I Am Not Your God
It's Monday and "le boo" and I are scheduled to have our weekly date night. I'm in London and he's in NY so these evenings can't come soon enough. Those are the only times we get to spend a long stretch of time "together." Now, I must mention that "le boo" has been having a really stressful period at work and said work often interferes with date night. On this particular evening I was doing everything in my power to encourage him that it would be okay (of course, like any dutiful wife-to-be should <insert smirk>) but it wasn't working. He was angry, frustrated and hungry. A quick errand into the office on his day off had turned into a full day in the office with no food in his belly, missed date night, and a lopsided client deal.
So now I'm trying to be the dutiful "helper" and I'm getting a little irritated because my "helping" isn't working and I want him to at least try to enjoy the (measly) 30 mins we now have. He didn't enjoy it and that left me wondering what I could do more to get him to have a different outlook on these circumstances. I soon realised the source of my frustration. I wasn't meant to be his helper. No no no. The Holy Spirit (God's spirit living in him) is his helper. I'm his help meet.
“A wife:
”Now the Lord God said, “It is not good (beneficial) for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper [one who balances him—a counterpart who is] suitable and complementary for him””
“The Holy Spirit:
And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper (Comforter, Advocate, Intercessor—Counselor, Strengthener, Standby), to be with you forever”
See, I had the two confused. It's the Holy Spirit that helps him and encourages him and that will ultimately show him how to handle these pressure situations and give him a new outlook. I'm his help meet. I'm an equal to him that acts as his partner in achieving the things God has put on his heart. I can encourage, yes but if my encouragement has no effect I must be okay with it. I am not his God!
Somewhere along the line I had put undue pressure on myself to help him be the person God was making him but I forgot that God was the one doing it, not me. I was essentially trying to be his god and trying to make him who I thought he should be. I didn't want bad things. After all, wanting someone to be more prayerful or more dependent on God or a better planner are not bad things; however they are not for me to do. I'm to love him and be okay with who he is now. Of course I'll always desire more for him but I need to be okay if that more never happens and leave it to God to plan out and execute the details of how and if he will become that "more."
He already has a Holy Spirit, he doesn't need another. I am not his God! I'll let God be God and I'll be me.
So, after this great and humbling realisation, I apologized to God for trying to take his place in someone's life and asked him to help me remember this and help me not be frustrated when my helping doesn't actually help. As if God was trying to tell me that it's okay and he loves me nonetheless and he loves that I want to help, I got this message a few hours after I wrote this. It turns out my attempts at helping were not in vain.
Message from "le boo"
