Birds and Butterflies
I'm strolling through a beautiful garden with sweet smelling flowers, sunny skies, water flowing peacefully…simple bliss! Soon I'm stung by a bee because where there are flowers, there are bees; I'm pooed on by a bird flying overhead because clear skies call for bird flight; I fall into a thorn bush because every garden has its share of thorns. Oh yes! This is how I felt as "Le boo" and I began and progressed in our relationship. Don’t get me wrong, its been sweet but there's also been difficulty. To be honest, I knew in my head that relationships were hard but somehow I had excluded this one from that known fact.
Its not my fault really. At least that’s what I tell myself. How can it be? It is supposed to be bliss. I've "fallen in love". And so "the butterflies effect" is born; I somehow buy into the media and culture of our day and believe romance to be love. Now couple that with the fact that I'm a Christian and kaboom! A ticking bomb is built!
"How?" you might ask. I'll tell you. See, as a Christian I believe God is love so if I've mistaken love for passionate, romantic bliss (as depicted by almost every romantic movie and book) then I will subconsciously believe that if le boo really loves me then nothing will go wrong. In fact, my subconscious paradigm will also lead me to believe that if Le boo has the love of God in his heart he will indeed lay down his life for me. What's more is that he will be my "priest" (whatever that actually means) and always cover me and pray for me and be more spiritually mature than me (or so says my interpretation of him being a priest). And, and, and, even though he is more spiritually mature than me, he will still lay down his life for me and I won't be required to be his slave, um, I mean submit, or be led by him and everything will be beautiful! Not forgetting the foundation of "the butterfly effect", if by any chance things don't turn out to be bliss then it must be that I've not found "the one" and I need to get out of this relationship so that I can continue my search for the one. After all, I must follow my heart. I must!
Yes! Uuum, no. That is at best a fantasy world that the Bible certainly does not depict. Since my life is not a movie, the guy does not finally get everything I've been trying to tell him all along and chase me to the airport to profess his undying love for me (even though I'll be back in 2 days). lol! No! My life is not the typical social media account that on any given day has pictures, plenty of pictures...of the wonderful birth of a new child but no mention of the pain of the miscarriages before; of job changes and promotions but no insight into the frustration of job loss and feelings of dejection or the fear of not being able to provide for one's family. It will not miraculously consist of beautiful family photos but no photos of family feuds. It will not show evidence of only the stand but not the fight; echoes of laughter but none of the screams; portraits of leaping but none of kneeling. No! In real life as with real relationships, all those contrasting pictures are a reality, a daily reality.
There's nothing wrong with romance but that is not love. Love is a choice. It never fails. It has nothing to do with how I'm feeling or whether I feel like I love you. See, that blissful garden is a myth built on romance. If my expectation is to walk the wide rows of romance every day of my marriage, well I'm in for a rude awakening as I trip over the rocks and arid ground that sometimes lie on the path of life and relationships.
Thankfully, family, friends, advisors and life itself awakened me to this realization that I had in some ways succumbed to the "butterflies effect." So I now walk through my garden and enjoy the sunshine but bring an umbrella for the rain. I enjoy the sights and smells of the beautiful flowers and take the insect stings and bites in stride. Yes, I enjoy this wonderful walk through the beautiful garden of life with le boo but I have no delusions. No, I have no delusions.
